Dishonest dogs and the human pretense of authenticity

Even though we humans are accustomed to celebrating sincerity, honesty, authenticity, genuineness, and the like, we also know that, in reality, we have little tolerance for these qualities in large or consistent doses. Functioning as the kind of social animals we are seems to require softening, calibrating, sweetening, and filing down. Unbridled intensity and unblunted […]

Cigarettes, Aqua Net, and drugstore perfumes: My mother’s scented legacy

My strongest, earliest, and best memories of childhood are infused with scent. Though the combination of hair spray, menthol cigarettes, and Breck shampoo may not sound inviting to most, to me it is the earliest, and most abiding, aroma of love. For my mother, who both gave birth and died too young, there was great […]

Outraged gaslighting: How to sidestep blame and make others feel crazy

As accountability avoidance strategies go, gaslighting is remarkably flexible and effective. For those with the chutzpah to pull it off, it’s a pretty straightforward maneuver. Let’s say you get called out for dissembling, intentional misdirection or an outright lie. Gaslighting allows you to immediately deflect scrutiny and turn it back onto the aggrieved plaintiff: “I […]

Sexism draped in prayer beads: Spiritual shaming as a silencing tool in terrifying times

I once had a colleague who could be blunt as a barbell, direct as a laser beam, and unblinking as an ancient tortoise. A middle-aged white woman, she eschewed the feminine niceties required to earn her likability badge in the gendered game of social, political, and spiritual acceptability. She didn’t smile self-effacingly. She didn’t half […]

The invisible danger of Covid 19: An ordinary world made terrifyingly “other”

As the pandemic rages, we are forced to acknowledge a world of beings too tiny to see. Though we’ve known since third grade science that they are there — bugs, germs, viruses — for most of us, most of the time, they are no more real than fairies or leprechauns. Suddenly, in this most scientific […]

My old dog’s nose: On equanimity and aging

My two hound mixes have been dead for a couple of years now, and all I’m left with is this terrier-chihuahua something-or-other who occasionally looks more like a cartoon rendering than an actual dog. Battle-scarred, bug-eyed, and half-deaf, she’s adapted over the years by pushing more and more of her consciousness into her nose. And […]

Egocentric cats and narcissistic humans: the mysterious minds of others

“If a lion could speak, we could not understand him.” Wittgenstein For the second night in a row, my dog, restless from storms, has woken me up. Her routine involves walking on my sternum and neck, and panting midnight dog breath onto my innocent face until I escort her downstairs for an interlude of Netflix […]